By Jeff Copper, MBA, PCC, PCAC, CPCC, ACG – July 27, 2026
Most people think relaxation means sitting still—maybe on the couch, with a cup of tea, a glass of wine, or the TV on. For many, doing nothing feels calming and restorative. But for many individuals with ADHD, that definition of relaxation doesn’t work at all. In fact, sitting still can feel uncomfortable—or even anxiety-provoking.
Recently, while coaching an individual with ADHD, something interesting came up. He shared that when he’s forced to sit still, his anxiety increases. He cannot relax unless he’s moving. Constant motion isn’t a distraction for him—it’s a requirement for calm.
The challenge? His spouse, who does not have ADHD, believed that relaxation should look like sitting quietly together. From her perspective, movement meant restlessness. From his perspective, sitting still meant stress. This disconnect is more common than people realize.
Instead of trying to force one person to adapt to the other’s definition of relaxation, we explored how to adjust the environment so both people could relax at the same time. The solution was simple—but unconventional.
One day, when his spouse came home, he placed a bar stool in front of his exercise bike. She sat down, glass of wine in hand. He got on the bike and started pedaling. Then he said, “Let’s talk.”
Suddenly, something remarkable happened.
She was relaxed—sitting comfortably, exactly how she preferred. He was relaxed—moving his body, exactly how he needed. And because both of them were comfortable, they were able to focus, connect, and enjoy a meaningful conversation.
This is a perfect example of what I mean by working with your ADHD instead of against it.
People with ADHD are often highly sensitive to their environment. Certain setups make focus, calm, and connection easier—while others make them nearly impossible. The key isn’t forcing yourself to fit into a “normal” mold, but rather adjusting the environment to support how your brain actually works.
What’s fascinating is how differently people react to this idea. Some instantly get it and say, “That makes sense.” Others reject it outright, believing their definition of relaxation should apply to everyone.
But relaxation doesn’t have a universal shape. If you’re someone with ADHD who needs motion to feel calm, consider this an invitation:
- Pay attention to when sitting still creates anxiety
- Experiment with movement during conversations
- Adjust your environment so you can relax without disrupting others
- Advocate for what works for your brain
When environments are adjusted thoughtfully, coexistence becomes easier—and relationships improve. Sometimes, the most effective solutions don’t look “normal” at all. They just work.
TRANSCRIPT
Welcome everybody to this edition of Attention Talk Video. I’m your host, Attention and ADHD coach, Jeff Copper. And I’m here today to talk about a unique situation that I kind of stumbled into when I was coaching. This is not really uncommon. I’m surprised that this hasn’t come up a little bit for. But some individuals find it very relaxing just to sit and do nothing. Maybe zone out, watch TV, I don’t know, read a book or something like that.
Many of those with ADHD, however, need to be moving. They’re in a constant state of motion. They’re always doing something. And recently I was coaching an individual who actually said if they’re just sitting still, they have lots of anxiety and they’re comfortable, they can’t relax unless they’re moving. Which is really fascinating because this particular family dynamic, one individual, the non-ADD spouse, thought that relaxation should just be sitting on the couch or relaxing somewhere, maybe having a glass of tea, whereas the person with ADHD couldn’t relax in that environment he needed to be moving.
So, oddly enough, we kind of thought about this and how we could use this, and it was funny. Because we came up with the notion of one day when his spouse came home to put a bar stool in front of his exercise bicycle. And when she came home, she asked him to sit on the stool and gave him a glass of wine. Then he got on the exercise bike and began to ride and said, let’s have a conversation.
Now, this is a classic example of advocating for yourself, because in this particular situation, she was able to relax by sitting on the bar stool, which is how she relaxed, and he was able to relax by moving on the exercise bicycle, enabling both of them to focus on a good conversation. This is how I describe those with ADHD are very environmentally sensitive, and there’s some things that are very helpful for them in this situation for the for the individual with ADHD to sit and focus and relax on a conversation.
He needed to be moving, so we adjusted the environment for that to happen. Now, what we described is very plausible and it works. Now, it’s not quite look like what an obvious solution is for other people. And for many of those who support those with ADHD, they would embrace such a thing. Others are fascinating to me how they repel and reject that. It’s really kind of funny how their definition of relaxation must be universal for everybody.
What I hope this video does to inspire you, if you can identify with this and you’re somebody that needs to move, begin to think about how you can adjust the environment so that you can relax while those around you relax at the same time, thereby adjusting the environment for you to coexist. This is what I call working with your ADHD and not against your ADHD.
We hope you’ve enjoyed this story and this tip. Subscribe to Attention Talk Video for more weekly tips and insights brought to you by me, Jeff Copper, from digcoaching.com. You can learn more about me by going to digcoaching.com. And I have to tell you, most of these tips and most of these stories are all born out of experiences that I’ve had working with those with ADHD. We hope you’ve enjoyed this video.