By Jeff Copper, MBA, PCC, PCAC, CPCC, ACG – August 19, 2024
Living in a relationship where one or both partners have ADHD can present unique challenges. Those challenges require a subtle approach so the partners can achieve understanding and communication. Without this growth between them, the partners may suffer daily disagreements with no resolution, resulting in resentment and frustration. But help is available when the partners truly want to move forward in a happy and successful relationship.
When it comes to relationships impacted by ADHD, Melissa Orlov (https://adhdmarriage.com) knows a thing or two about the subject. As a marriage consultant and the author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage, she has lived in an ADHD relationship and has studied others extensively. I talked with Melissa about the subject, as ADHD affects individuals in many areas of their lives. When partners can acknowledge and understand the impact ADHD has on both of them, it is their first step to a more satisfying life.
When one or neither partner fully grasps the impact ADHD has on the relationship, it is critically important that they both want to move past their coping mechanisms, like denial and defensiveness. Open and non-judgmental communication is absolutely essential to break through these barriers.
But at the heart of any successful relationship is effective communication. Each partner needs a safe space to speak freely and express thoughts and feelings without judgment from the other. Each of them must be an active listener, in other words, having empathy for and validation of what the partner is saying, without criticism. It is important for each partner to communicate clear and reasonable expectations. Strategies like visual reminders and routines can help to serve each partner’s unique needs around such challenges as organization, time management, and impulsivity.
Just remember… moving forward in your relationship requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to each other. Through these principles, you and your partner can enjoy a mutually satisfying and fulfilling life in the face of ADHD challenges. Focus on each other’s positive attributes and talents, embrace your differences, and live a more resilient and fulfilling partnership.
If you and your partner are in an ADHD relationship, please check out my interview with Melissa on Attention Talk Radio about moving past defensiveness and denial in order to move forward in your relationship, “Moving Forward in an ADHD Relationship: What You Need to Know.”