By Jeff Copper, MBA, PCC, PCAC, CPCC, ACG – October 6, 2025
Expectations shape every moment of our lives—often without us realizing it. In Part 1 of this insightful two-part series, I had a conversation with Dr. Ari Tuckman in a thoughtful discussion on the nature of expectations and how they silently yet powerfully influence those with ADHD. In Part 2 of our series, we shifted the focus to how expectations—both internal and external—impact those with ADHD.
In Part 1, we learned that expectations can be concrete, like expecting a ball to fall when dropped, or abstract and social—like assuming someone will be on time or understand what we’re saying. These unspoken social rules often go unnoticed until they’re violated. That’s when misunderstandings, frustration, and resentment arise—especially for those with ADHD who may struggle with follow-through or interpreting implicit cues.
We explored how many of life’s daily conflicts stem from mismatched or unspoken expectations. For example, an exceptionally gifted client may become frustrated when others can’t follow his line of thinking, not realizing he’s operating with an assumption that his clarity is universal. By adjusting this expectation, his stress and resentment decrease dramatically.
In Part 2, Dr. Tuckman highlighted the disconnect between intelligence and execution, citing how high-IQ individuals with ADHD often face higher expectations simply because they’re “smart.” But intelligence doesn’t erase the executive functioning challenges of ADHD. When performance doesn’t align with assumed ability, it can lead to shame, self-doubt, or even depression.
Internal expectations—like comparing yourself to the polished versions of others on social media—can also be harmful. It’s better to shift away from outcome-based expectations toward process-based ones rooted in a growth mindset. In this view, mistakes are part of learning, and struggling isn’t a sign of failure—it’s evidence of effort and progress.
The takeaway? Expectations aren’t bad. They guide us, help us function, and make life more predictable. But they need to be examined—especially the invisible ones. Whether we’re dealing with social norms, personal goals, or self-worth, managing expectations thoughtfully can reduce frustration and foster resilience for those with ADHD.
If you’d like to take away some deeper insights, please check out the podcast episodes, ADHD and Expectations – Part 1: Their Nature and Part 2: Their Impact.
Also, I’d love to hear what you think, so drop your thoughts in the comments.